i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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