4 words: hood of his car
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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