I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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