Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
