my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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