i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
