I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
