3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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