This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
