then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you will always have a special place in my vag
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
