:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
