So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
