I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
