So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
two words: eviction party
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
