i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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