I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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