so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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