??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
