I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
