How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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