Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
