Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
