i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
