you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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