We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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