Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
