i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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