i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
