he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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