So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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