i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
