no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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