that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
50% drunk capacity currently
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
