I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
