you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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