That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
