super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
