I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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