why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
