Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
