He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
