just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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