yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
