I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
