well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
