When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
