At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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