i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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