11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
