Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
