Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
