Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
