Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
