You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is Oprah even human
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
