we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
