ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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