well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
